“See my days are cold without you. While I’m hurtin while I’m with you. And though my heart can’t take no more I keep on running back to you.”
-Ashanti, Foolish
I feel like singing this song over and over again. It’s very applicable for my life currently. I feel like the world’s biggest doofus… Why?
Saturday was great. Saturday was beautiful. He said we we’re going to get Him Jr on Sunday. I was geeked, excited, thrilled… Sunday came and was disappointing. It wasn’t great, but it was revealing. Perhaps because I was coming from church and was being reflective. I don’t really want to talk about the parts that I want to talk about. I don’t know what I was seeing or hearing. I know what I was feeling and need time to analyze what I was thinking about.
I will say that I’m glad that he had fun with his son. But I think I disappointed him (Again). It was a number of things that I felt out of my element with. Foremost – I don’t have any kids. I’m less restrictive when I’m babysitting other peoples kids and am nicknamed “The Fun Aunt”. I don’t like being too harsh with kids because my parents were never that way with me. If my mother wanted me to do someting immediately then she would show me what to do and the importance of it. I hope that I do not loose that aspect of myself once I do begin to have kids.
Because I’m this way he thinks his children will take advantage of me. What’s wrong with that? They deserved to be spoiled, all children should be. I don’t mind being suckered – I think it’s pretty cool that a four year old can have a thought process like that.
Him and I have different parenting styles. We both realized this beforehand, however, this weekend made it doublely apparent. I respect his right to discipline and will back up his disciplinary actions, but my way is more subtle. As I mentioned before, my parents used my style with me… Look how I turned out. (Insert Smiley Face)
