I called to tell him about my work day so far. It wasn’t something to brag about. I’m surprised that I didn’t fall on my butt –> I’ve done that a couple of times in the short 3 weeks at Chase. I really must watch where I’m going… and how fast… and not wear any stilettos.
He asks if I’m coming to VISIT him after work? I hate that word…visit. That means I’m not staying over, that means I have to sleep by myself . I wasn’t too thrilled after hearing that, but at least I get to see him for a few hours. I get off of work early but my sister needs my car for a couple of hours (Shit!). So I was at the house, working on my personal websites and daydreaming. Hours fly by on the clock.
He calls me around 8:40 pm. He was defending his title against Cutty and Everett at pool. He’s also a little intoxicated. How do I know? Because he’s repeating himself and he’s claiming that I don’t love him. WHAT?!! Is he serious or is that him being funny? He’s serious! He said that I don’t love him because I didn’t take care of him the other night when he was sick- rubbing his back, holding him, fixing him chicken noodle soup. But I asked him what he needed, what he needed from me. He said orange juice! -no back rubs, no coodling. Now he’s upset because I didn’t do more. That makes me angry – I’m not a mind reader. If I ask you what you need, then please tell me… tell me that you want a back rub. I’m sorry that it wasn’t enough, I’ll promise to try harder. Just tell me!
He said that maybe he should get a girlfriend and I’m thinking what the hell am I. He probably has one already and he’s just using the other night as an excuse to get rid of me. To that I say, again: JUST TELL ME! I’ll cry and will be heartbroken. What woman wouldn’t be when the love of her life says he wants to move on. But I’d do it to make him happy.
Once again I’m confused and upset. I fall asleep later that night and awaken an hour later to him whispering to me and playing with my right nipple. “Do I have to rub your nipples to get you to pay attention to me,” he says. WTF! You always have my undivided attention. I love you. Don’t you know what that encompasses? It means EVERYTHING!
He makes love to me – it felt so good and so right. “I love you and you won’t even pay attention to me,” he says that while making me gasp for breath after breath, making me beg, and making me moan. OHHHHHH, Big Daddy you felt so incredible. But I wanted to cry just then – how did everything get so mixed up. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I’m ashamed of myself, what type of woman am I to make her man feel unloved and unwanted. I want to cry…I am crying.
